Political Correctness Sucks

Yes, me again, insultant extraordinaire, with the every so tasty cuppa Latte Macchiato, wondering how the (western) world could become so reality-neglecting as to insist on political correctness, commonly referred to as PC.

The Bristol shit list, published 1997
(image courtesy Wikipedia)

It's not Bullshit, it's Bovine Doodoo

I might subscribe to the concept of using euphemisms where matters described may be considered too profane or obscene for the audience present, for example a minor, belligerent policemanofficer or discontented judge. 

Let me give you an example: when it's brown, soft, smelly and one definitely wouldn't stick one's finger in it - let alone lick one's very same finger afterwards - it is shit. Manure may be considered an appropriate (but necessary?) euphemism for grown-ups, for children stick to poopoo or a.m. doodoo. As long as any mentally unchallenged listener would still be able to comprehend that the subject being discussed emerged from a sphincter, we're good.

But 21st century PC would label this as "organic fertiliser". And that, gentlemenpersons, is BS - which, in a politically not-so-correct manner, doesn't refer to a bachelor of science but actual bullshit. Buying a bottle of organic fertilizer in any store just to find out it contains "fresh human loose stool type 7" - in other words liquid shit - would freak any sane person out. 

However not so in today's PC riddled corporate and political world where people happily bend truths and relabel facts beyond recognition.

Black becomes "Pigmentally Different"

Now what's all that fuss about PC? Let's hear the ever-so-convenient Wikipedia:

Political correctness (adjectivally, politically correct; both forms commonly abbreviated to PC) is a term which denotes language, ideas, policies, and behavior seen as seeking to minimize social and institutional offense in occupational, gender, racial, cultural, sexual orientation, certain other religions, beliefs or ideologies, disability, and age-related contexts, and, as purported by the term, doing so to an excessive extent."

So far so good... but Wikiquote comes closer to the current state of affairs:

A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

Aah see, well there you go, that's midgets becoming "little people", retards suddenly being "intellectually disabled", the merry list goes on forever. And, so far i'm still fine with it.

Red becomes Magenta

What bothers me is that we've reached a point where shit has gone too far. Way too far. PC has turned courtesy into a fuckin' curse.

The New Testament, BC but pre-PC
(image courtesy troll.me)

I've experienced myself how a certain global service provider successfully "improved" the (executive) customer perception of its status reports by applying the framing effects described in cognitive linguistics.

More specifically, what they did was to rename their traffic light rating from red to magenta. Because if one doesn't hear red, one's less inclined to turn into a raging bull whilst one's budget is suckled dry by incompetence (if not deliberate procrastination).

And because that worked so well, it didn't take long to take things to the very next level of corporate PC: simply denying verity and just sticking to a green status all the way; whenever figures contradicted facts they merely removed them and showed arbitrary percentages instead.

And here is where it gets funny: certain executives - whilst raising an eyebrow over complaints from lower levels of the corporate food chain - were perfectly happy with these sugar-coated turds that suddenly looked just like a fuckin' box of donuts.


Shit hits the fan...

A recent example which even made the front pages of the German press tells us about one lawyer named Christian Wilhelm Walter Wulff, now former - as in Ex - President of Germany. Pray bear with me, this part gets to be a little longer, details matter:

Trust me, I know what i'm doing
(image courtesy cufflinksworld.com)

Only few remember that during his time as Lower Saxony's Prime Minister he already received the Big Brother award for "...destroying the data protection authority in Lower Saxony. The supervision of data protection in the economy is to be handed over to Lower Saxony's Ministry of the Interior as of 1 Jan 2006. This undermines proceedings by the EU-Commission recently opened against Germany for breach of contract through disregard of the EU data protection directive."  Reality my ass, really...

A couple of years later, after having reached the post of President of the Federal Republic of Germany in 2010, he eventually came under public scrutiny over the fact that he may have accepted certain favours during his time as Prime Minister which - lets stick with PC for a moment to avoid costly cease-and-desist letters - might have been potentially inappropriate.

But it gets bettter: last year, rumours popped that in 2008 - whilst serving as above mentioned Prime Minister - he took a private loan for the insignificant amount of 500.000 € from a certain businessman (at interest rates well below market average) to buy himself some sexy real estate. Trying to intimidate Kai Diekmann, chief editor of Germany's largest newspaper Bild during November 2011 into not reporting the story - and even being clever enough to leave threats on aforementioned chief editor's voice mail - didn't help either.

Long story short: the 99% got really upset, political opposition and of course the press went apeshit, whilst Mrs. Chancellor, the cabinet and coalition party officials nervously resorted to the time-tested practice of duck-and-cover.

Now, as a practiced lawyer with a specialisation in economics, he definitely knew what he was doing. Mr. President didn't care at all (again, see above), considering himself the head honcho, the alpha dog, by now the very top of Germany's political food chain. Afterwards he just insisted it never actually happened that way - but at the same time threatened with further legal action should the recording become ever released to the public.


...and the fan's on high

Career choices
(image courtesy photobucket.com)

More allegations over "receiving political favours and free holidays from business executives" emerged. Whenever things got too tight, he payed up, whilst blatantly denying any wrongdoing. Only after prosecutors formally requested to lift his presidential immunity - so far unprecedented in German history - to investigate "possible granting and/or accepting of undue advantages", he finally stepped down February 17, 2012 (to evade a parliament vote over said request scheduled two weeks later).

And, time and again, here is where it gets really funny: He shamelessly insisted on receiving his annual honorarium (state pension) of a whooping 199.000 €, accompanied by miscellaneous state amenities like armoured limousine, chauffeur, secretary, office, all of which roundabout another 280.000 € each and every fuckin year. And, guess what, he will get it, the full monty, and no fuckin' surprise for me either....

Happy days: Christian Wulff and Chancellor Angela Merkel,
Germany's alpha pair - seems she loves to play with superglue
(image courtesy NZZ/Imago)

On March 8, 2012, guess who received his formal military tattoo which, contrary to popular belief, involves neither ink nor needles. Did sting a lot of people though.

Bundeswehr torchbearers solemnly marched the grounds, the army's brass band & drum corps played "Somewhere over the rainbow", whilst hundreds of protestors outside the presidential palace grounds countered with their version of  "Good Riddance" using whistles and vuvuzelas.

Again, unprecedented in German history - the whistle/vuvuzela part, that is; Germany already had it's fair share of [insert preferred politically correct euphemism describing the adjective "corrupt"] politicians. One must add, using the theme song of "The wizard of Oz" may contain a joke here somewhere, but i'm yet too upset to get it.

Conclusion:

Yes, i may have drifted off the very topic of this post, but i had to make the point. What is the point you ask?! Well, it's easy.

It's the PC road to fame and fortune:

1. Get a university degree (doesn't matter which, pick something easy)
2. Optional, but recommended: Add MBA or PhD (see 1.) 
3. Hit the political/corporate latter (sex/nepotism being acceptable accelerants).
4. Once you're rising through the ranks, start by optimising facts (see "shitdoodoo")
5. Once you're at or very close to the top, change reality as you see fit
6. If shit hits the fan: ignore, keep doing your thing (see 5.)
7. Fan's on high, political career: resign, keep collecting pension & amenities
8. Fan's on high, corporate career: get fired, bring lawyer, collect severance & bonus
9. Lather, rinse, repeat after 3. (usually, you will re-enter the PC charade at 5.)

Get it? It's not about caucasians, african-americans, persons of color, firefighters not firemen, personhours not manhours, the visually and/or hearing impaired or any other gilded euphemism. That's just the the fuckin' prep work. It's about neglecting reality to one's advantage. One's great advantage. And, with probably everybody at your level being ever-so-keen to play the same fucking game, once you've swallowed your scruples you're pretty much set.

You've also turned into a fuckin' sociapath. But then again, who gives a f...ornication.

Anyhoo, enough said, time for another cuppa... oh, and of course I do look forward to your letters.

Yours truly

The Principal Insultant

Berlin Sucks

So there's me, sitting in my snuggly home office, sippin' a cup of incredibly tasty Latte Macchiato (courtesy of Lavazza, De Longhi and, last but not least, moi) and muse about how much there is to rant upon in this screwed up world we live in...

Well, the sun is shining, the weather is sweet, so lets start with the place i happen to live: Good'ole Berlin, which kinda struggles with the notion of being a (revived) capital, but apart from being the largest town in germany it just doesn't cut it - especially for people that expect more from life than just the usual 9-to-5 routine accompanied by shopping mall raids on Saturdays ('cause usually all shops are closed on Sundays).

St. Walter a.k.a. the TV Tower
(image courtesy Wikipedia)

Are you on the guest list?

For example let me tell you about those pseudo-chique clubs with arbitrary face controls keeping people queueing outside just to create the illusion of a packed place. Once inside (after paying a hefty admission fee of usually 10 €) one gets hammered by deafening music (emphasis being on kilowatts over sound sound), usually cheap, sometimes even crappy but rarely ever classy interior, a piss-poor service normally expected in a buttcrack-of-the-world roofless expatriate watering hole and of course insanely overpriced drinks - and if the drink happens to be cheap, better stock up on Aspirin and Gatorate.

In case the door rejects you, they sometimes ask if you're on the guest list. Now here is where it gets really funny: Most of these places spam your inbox with guest list invitations - which (of course) come with a catch: one has to show up early, in many cases one's still expected to pay a reduced admission, but still they're hoping one will stay longer (and drink more). D'uh?!

There are exception to this rule but you better get ready for a lot of disappointment before you find places actually worth frequenting. Oh, not to forget, let the record show that nightlife only booms Fridays and Saturdays. Capital my ass, really...

"Cyberpunk corporate urban" Sony Center
(image courtesy Wikipedia)

The Sony Center sale

Want tangible proof? Let's take the ever so awesome Sony Center, opened in 2000 for the negligible amount of 750 M€. Yet, not even 4 years later, Sony moved their german headquarters away from Berlin to Munich, and just another 4 years later they got rid of the entire complex with it's IMAX theater, museum, conference center, offices, luxury apartments, shops and restaurants for a whooping 600 M€.  Now do the math. That's 150 Million Euros down the fuckin' drain. 

Some of the reasons stated were that the cost of operations and living is too high as well as the general lack of direct connections to the far east (the latter of which having been promised by the city senate and mayors for years).

However if one cares to ask me: if a bunch of greedy executives decide to intentionally lose a shitload of money, they usually have a very long list of compelling, shareholder-compatible reasons to do so...

Berlinian invention: the Currywurst
(image courtesy Wikipedia)

Life is dull

Life in Berlin is - for the lack of a more appropriate denomination - dull, holding enough entertainment for an extended weekend, at best barely a forthnight. In layman's terms, living in Berlin sucks. Wonder how long it takes until somebody puts that on a T-shirt. 

Might have to do with an unemployment rate of appr. 25% in the region. Might be because of many (well employed) people commuting away from Berlin for the weekend, usually back to their families, or just to spend the weekend in a better place. Or, maybe it's me, because I'm expecting too much after having lived and worked in places like New York, Moscow and Beijing. But I've repeatedly met locals that would leave this city asap if it weren't for their however humble real-estate which they couldn't sell without a hefty loss. Meh, whatever...

House of the Cultures of the World
(image courtesy Wikipedia)

OK, it's not all that bad

Now don't get me wrong - it's not all that bad. Public transportation for example rocks, one rarely has to rely on cabs which even come with a bargain short-range fee of 4 € for distances up to 2 km as long as you grab a cab off the road, and it is actual driving distance, not beeline. If you use a cab, just make sure to check the cabbie's driving with your smartphone's map/routing tool, cause many a times they'll try to rip off the unsuspecting foreigner. And if you catch them showing you way more you ever care to see and pay for, be prepared for a cuss word avalanche gratuitously provided by some of the worst foulmouths ever to have crawled this earth.

Yeah, one pretty much gets almost everything, as long as one's prepared to pay too fuckin' much. Many bars still cater smokers (hell yeah!), museums are free every Thursday nite, there's concerts, fashion shows, movie festivals, marathons, cafés, restaurants, drugs, hookers, hookahs, it's all there, but more often than not at above described sub-par quality and - yes, i'm repeating myself - at prices one would expect a complimentary blowjob.

Conclusion

In a nutshell, if you happen to get offered a (high profile) job in Berlin, it will usually be well remunerated (probably to compensate for the lack of actual living quality). But if you merely want to work in Germany for some time and you get to pick, do yourself a favour and go for Munich instead...

Anyhoo, enough said, time for another cuppa... oh, and of course I do look forward to your letters.

Yours truly

The Principal Insultant

P.S.: Now why the fuck am i still sitting in Berlin, you ask?! Let me tell you: it's the pay day. Nothing else. I'm just another corporate whore.